Isle of Wight Portsmouth Southampton

As usual im going to start this post with a weather mention, i keep vowing to change that, but alas

After a dire few weeks, im sitting here with the weather station reporting a very pleasent 21 degrees c, and there is a queue of traffic for the ferry as the last of the main holiday makers head home, im sure sometimes there is a higher being up there playing games with people

On a lighter note, the new house is almost straight now, but it has brought up questions like, why is it when you are looking for something, it turns invisible, when you stop looking, it reappears, why do cupboards seem to shrink despite there being less to fill them with than before
and why does dust grow the second you put the hoover away

on that note time to start cleaning

Im off again, although its now going to be a very different place not having the pier to visit, but from the 22nd Aug to the 25th august Ill be offering an outcall escort service in Weston Super Mare and surrounding, so if your looking for an indian take a way with a difference, why not give me a call?

Available in WSM, bridgwater, Highbridge, Bristol, Glastonbury, Taunton and more…

Well the floor is finally down and the curtains are up, so as of this morning I have now moved to the new place

So many people have asked me recently if im leaving the Isle of Wight which I find rather strange as once you’re here it becomes a different way of life and I just couldn’t leave now, sorry Mrs J at number 22 but your stuck with me

Guess I best get on with unpacking so this is a short post, but I hope all of you will enjoy the new house as much as im sure I will

xxx

I have finally collected the keys to the new house and decided as this is the norties to get laminate flooring who the bloody hell decided this twist and lock stuff is the way forward, and tounge and groove is now obsolete

day four now and my flooring has still not covered 1 sq meter let alone 120, at this rate I wont have moved by christmas, the last twice I have laid flooring it was a simple task of putting them together, imagining it was Gordon Browns head and giving them a whack, whole house done in a day

now this stuff, lay one row joining the ends, then do the same with a second row, then lift the second row up 30 degrees to join the first, except when you have a 6 meter long strip it bloody slips and slides and wont lock acuratley argggggggghhhhhhhh then you have to take is all apart and start again, and the worst of it is, everybody I mention this too, has also experienced the same problem, but didnt bother telling me before I started !!!

So its try and track down tonge and groove, i find some at Homebase, which is across the water from me, they wont deliver here, fair enough, i ring the ferries, now remember these boats take anything from a moped to a 40 ton truck, so i call them and say “right i have an approx 750kg pallete to bring over using your freight service how much?” “oh” says the lady on the phone, “we dont take parcels over 56kg”

What is that all about????
so i now have to hire a van, go over there collect it and bring it back, which means at least tripple the weight, not so great for the environment, and twice the expense

For those who havent yet but will be invited to my house warming, as well as brining a bottle, your own glasses, nibbles, please bring over at least five packs of laminate, and be prepared to be in the doggy position for a while

Unfortunately WSM didn’t happen again, I’m beginning to think I’m jinxed, at least this time it wasn’t the car that was the cause but the weather which is out of my control so ill accept it, so now its pin in the map time and try again…..
and the lucky winner is Guernsey, nothing to do with the way i held the map to influence the result honest, but word of warning, I wouldn’t make plans to cut your grass or hang washing out on the 10th -11th of June as im bringing some Isle of Wight rain with me
any suggestions for must do`s or see when im there? remember though im only there 2 days and a night so nothing that needs planning
look forward to your suggestions

due to circumstances beyond my control, mainly the weather

I wont be in WSM this week as hoped, all being well ill be there Whitsun or the summer
and will no doubt be able to offer incalls next time

Watch this space for more news

I recently had a guest, who left his sunglasses, now im writing here in the hope you read this and get in touch

as is my policy, once you leave, your details are destroyed, so i have no way of even sending you a blank text, to get your attention, you know who you are

so if you get in touch and we can arange getting them to you somehow

On that note, if you ever visit me and leave something, do not hesitate to give me a shout, it will be kept safe and secure until it can be returned to you

January has seen me investing a lot of time and effort in the boudoir, which has led to amongst other things a new bed and frame, nothing exciting about that I hear you thinking, well no not normally, in fact I have to find anybody of the male species who enjoys shopping, but standing in MFI and trying to test different mattresses and frames for the purposes of not sleeping on were certainly interesting

You can see it now cue sales assistant
“can I help you Madame”
“Yes I want one of these ere beds”
“Very good Madame they are all wonderful as you can see”
“They are indeed but I need one that is strong and hard wearing”
“Hardwearing Madame? all our mattresses should last you many many years of pleasant nights”
“Yes I can see that but I erm well, tend to toss and turn a bit, so don’t want a spring poking me in the back as it wears through”
“Ah yes Madame I understand, you shouldn’t have that problem here all our mattresses are crafted to very high standards”
“ok that’s good are they very strong springs?”
“Yes Madame depending on the mattress you choose, all spring arrangements are different but will easily take your weight”
“That’s good, what about my partners weight, guess they will be ok for two?”
“For sure Madame, although you may want to look at these over priced gimmick mattresses, which if your partner is of the larger build may suit you better, how would you describe your partner”
“Well he is nice, friendly, chatty…..”
“No Madame I mean erm, is he er shall we say a big chap”
“Yes he can be, he can also be quite small but I have never had complaints”
“Oh ok (scratches head) would Madame like to look at this one here as it has anti roll”
“hm not sure as I like a good roll I do”
“Yes Madame but this one will prevent you joining in the middle”
“Oh bugger that’s no good for me”
“(Splutter) oh Madame I think you misunderstood me but no matter why not lie on this mattress the way you would normally and see what you think”
“That’s interesting; does Madame always sleep with her legs behind her ears?”
I quickly get up and start bouncing on it to test for springiness
“As Madame can see there isn’t a lot of bounce in this one”
Oh that’s no good I like to bounce about a bit”
“(!!! Pregnant pause) that’s interesting but not something you would do while asleep”
“Oh sorry I forgot to mention I sleep trampoline so need something a bit bouncy”
“These are beds Madame not really trampolines, perhaps while you think on that you could look at bed frames”
“Yes will do, im looking for something that I can attach restraints to”
“Have you looked at dreams bed store Madame?”

As I intend to be occupied on the night may I take this chance to get in now and wish everybody a happy new year

For me 2007 has been a great year despite the problems I have mentioned here, and I leave it with some very happy memories and look forward to an even better 2008

Thank you one and all
xxx

PS for those who helped male 2007 so great for me, a sneak preview of 2008

and if he cant make it, i have volunteered to go along in his place, and help relive any disappointment you may have if you don’t get to see him, so from the to the 14th - 16th December, ill be emptying sacks and delivering my own unique presents in my naughty santas outfit, maybe ill see some of you there, so put a naughty indian escort on your wish list today